end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
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