its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
