you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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