I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
