the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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