Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize