I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
