Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
