i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
