Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
