I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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