we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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