so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
