So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
