Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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