Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
