I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
