The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
