In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
