So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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