dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
