Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I AM VODKA MAN
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
