im about as happy as oj after his trial
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
