hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
