i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize