the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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