I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
