is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
