what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think I just sharted jello shots
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
