We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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