He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
