I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
