uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
