I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
