ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
