does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
