Are we in a gay sports bar?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
