I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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