First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found your dick twin last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
