1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
