i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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