If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
