sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
