Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
