I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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