On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
