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We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
