so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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