So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
