My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
