The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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