I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
