So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
