wat bout pragnant strippers??
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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