But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
