Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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