Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
