Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
