OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
